Self Care: Learning to Prevent Burnout 

This is intended as a worksheet for missionaries to process Self Care and stress, though it can be helpful for a variety of audiences, so I hope it helps you to process.

What are some of the things that affect our views of self care? Why do we value it, or not?

Is stress a good or a bad thing?

  • In what ways is some stress helpful or necessary?

  • In what ways does stress cause us to do our best? 

  • What are the dangers of too much stress?

  • What are the dangers of too little stress?

Self Care is a massively vital part of what we as missionaries need to integrate into our lives. Why

Self Evaluation

Please mark with a number:

1 Don’t agree 2 Somewhat agree 3 Mostly agree 4 Fully agree

____ I am regularly caring for people that require emotional care

____ I am continually involved in people-oriented activities that require listening and responding

____ I often need to listen to people’s stories of conflict, problems or trauma

____ My work requires me to listen often to others who are victims of abuse or trauma

____ I carry a very heavy work load with loads of people interactions

____ I am under constant deadlines to complete work or projects

____ I am not very sure what is expected of me in my work responsibilities

____ I am not quire sure when my work actually finishes

____ I am not very supported or understood by my team members in what I am doing

____ I am not very supported, understood, or affirmed by my leader

____ I am not very involved in the decisions or policies being made in my ministry setting

____ I am single (4) I am engaged / married (2)

____ I am under 20 years of age (4) I am under 30 (3) I am under 40 (2) Others (1)

____ I have often struggled with my health and energy levels in the past

____ I often handle pebbles by avoiding them or not thinking about them

____ I need lots of affirmation to feel secure about myself and my work

____ I feel undress constant pressure to give a good impression to my family, workers and 

community

____  TOTAL score possible / 68

55-58 Very vulnerable- need to work with someone to make a self care plan

43-54 Vulnerable- make a self care plan

40-42 Somewhat vulnerable- be accountable to someone and regularly reevaluate 

17-29 You are in a pretty good position

Personal Indicators of Stress:

HEALTH INDICATORS:

  • Fatigue and chronic exhaustion

  • Frequent and prolonged colds

  • Headaches (tension or migraine)

  • Backache, muscle fatigue 

  • Sleep disturbances (insomnia, nightmares, excessive sleeping)

  • Gastro-intestional disorders

  • Ulcers

  • Hypertension

  • Heart disease

  • Vague viral-like symptoms

  • Muscle or skeletal pain

  • Sudden loss or gain of weight

  • Flare up of preexisting medical problems

  • Ladies Increased pre-menstrual tension

  • Ladies: Skipped menstruation

  • Injuries from high risk behavior

  • Excessive sweating and urination

  • Eye twitching

BEHAVIOR INDICATORS:

  • Nervous behavior

  • Extreme mood and behavioural changes

  • Increased consumption of caffeine, tobacco, alcohol and drugs

  • High risk taking behavior

  • Increase propensity to violent and aggressive behavior

  • Hyperactivity

  • Change in sexual behavior and / or dysfunction

  • Withdraw from activity

  • Over- or under-eating

EMOTIONAL ADJUSTMENT INDICATORS:

  • Emotional distancing 

  • Paranoia

  • Depression, sadness, discouragement

  • Smoldering resentment

  • Decreased emotional control

  • Victim mentality

  • Fear of “going crazy”

  • Increased amount of daydreaming / fantasy

  • Constant sense of being “trapped”

  • Undefined fears

  • Inability to concentrate

  • Regression 

RELATIONSHIP INDICATORS:

  • Isolation from or over-bonding with others

  • General critical attitude

  • Irritability, impatience, hatred

  • Rebellion against authority

  • Immoral behavior

  • Increased interpersonal conflict

  • Increased marital conflict or conflict with children

  • Reversals of unusual behavior

  • Mistrust of friends and family

  • Inability to make decisions

  • Forgetfulness of appointments, deadlines, dates

ATTITUDE INDICATORS:

  • Self-condemnation

  • Sense of total inadequacy

  • Frequent spell of brooding

  • Boredom

  • Sick sense of humor

  • “Tragic sense of life” attitude

  • Attitudes of self-righteousness

  • Hypercritical of organizations and / or peers

  • Demonstrations of despair

  • Expressions of false guilt

SPIRITUAL / VALUE INDICATORS:

  • Loss of faith

  • Spiritual crisis

  • Sudden and extreme changes in ones values or beliefs

  • Loss of hope, anticipation

  • Blaming God

  • Spiritualizing problems that may be physical, emotional, etc.

  • Withdraw from or critical of one’s faith community

  • Movement to legalism, rigidity, critical attitudes

  • Movement into “cults” submissiveness and denial of responsibility

What do you actually have control over? Listening to our bodies.

“70% of missionaries who leave missions prematurely are for preventable reasons”

Self Care can be described as being mindful of your own limits and needs so that you can ensure your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Its proponents emphasize developing personal habits and practices to manage stress and reduce anxiety

Learning How to Deal with Stress:

  1. The First Step is to Recognize Your Own Symptoms. The better you understand your own stress reactions, the better you’ll understand others’ stress reactions. Keep an ongoing list of your responses to major stress to remind you of how others’ may react also.

  2. Study the Different Kinds of Internal and External Stress Reactions. Review them from time to time in order to be sensitive to observing them in others when they occur. Ask others what kinds of reactions they have when they aren’t coping with stress.

  3. Deal with Your Negative Reactions to Others. How do you respond to people who are weak, anxious, ill, hostile or depressed? Understand the there are vast abilities, capacities and accept these differences. Avoid judging and comparing. If you have a strong negative reaction to the person’s behavior, you will be hindered in helping them. 

Did Jesus do Self Care— is it Biblical? 

What stands out to you in these texts? 

Exodus 34:21

Hebrews 4:3-4

Exodus 22:26-27

Luke 5:16

Mark 6:31

I Corinthians 6:19-20

Romans 12:1

Self Reflection

  • Are you more drawn to your work or activity than close relationships, rest, etc.?

  • Are there times you are motivated and push through tasks when you don’t even want to and other times when you procrastinate and avoid them when you would prefer to get things done?

  • Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation?

  • Are you more comfortable talking about your work than other topics?

  • Do you pull all-nighters?

  • Do you resent your work or the people at your workplace for imposing so many pressures on you?

  • Do you avoid intimacy with others and / or yourself? (allowing yourself to feel emotions)

  • Do you resist rest when tired and use stimulants to stay awake longer?

  • Do you take on extra work or volunteer commitments because you are concerned tha things won’t otherwise get done?

  • Do you regularly underestimate how long something will take and then rush to complete it?

  • Do you immerse yourself in activities to change how you feel or avoid grief, anxiety and shame?

  • Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work?

  • Are you afraid that if you don’t work hard all the time, you will lose your job or be a failure?

  • Do you fear success, failure, criticism, burnout, financial insecurity, or not having enough time?

  • Do you try to multitask to get more done?

  • Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing what you’re doing in order to do something else?

  • Have your long hours caused injury to your health or relationships?

  • Do you think about work or other tasks while driving, conversing, falling asleep, or sleeping?

  • Do you feel agitated when you are idle and / or hopeless that you'll ever find balance?

  • Do you feel like a slave to your email, texts, or other technology?

Tools of Recovery

Listening — we set aside time each day for prayer and medication. Before accepting any commitments, we ask God and friends for advice.

Prioritizing — we decide which are the most important things to do first. Sometimes that may mean doing nothing. We strive to stay flexible to events, reorganizing our priories as needed. We view interruptions and accidents as opportunities for growth.

Substituting — we do not add a new activity without eliminating from our schedule one that demands equivalent time and energy.

Underscheduling — we allow more time than we think we needed for a task or trip, allowing a comfortable margin to accommodate the unexpected.

Playing — we schedule time for play, refusing to let ourselves work non-stop. We do not make our play into a work project.

Concentrating — we try to do one thing at a time

Pacing — we work at a comfortable pace and rest before we get tired. To remind ourselves, we check our level of energy before proceeding to our next activity. We do not get “wound up” in our work, so we don’t have to unwind.

Relaxing — we do not yield to pressure from others or attempt to pressure others. We remain alert to the people and situations that trigger feelings of pressure in us. We become aware of our own actions, words, body sensations and feelings that tell us we are responding with pressure. When we feel energy building up, we stop; we reconnect with God and others around us.

Accepting — we accept the outcomes of our endeavours, whatever the results, whatever the timing. We know that impatience, rushing and insisting on perfect results only slow down our recovery. We are gentle with our efforts, knowing that our new way of living requires much practice.

Asking — we admit our weaknesses and mistakes. We realize we don’t have to do everything ourselves, and we ask God and others for help.

Balancing — we balance our involvement in work with our efforts to develop personal relationships, spiritual growth, creativity and playful attitudes

Living in the Now — we realize that we are where God wants us to be — in the here and now. We try to live each moment with serenity, joy and gratitude. 

Ruminating

“When you’re in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend…” – Guy Winch, TedTalk “How to Practice Emotional First Aide”

  • Ruminating: to chew over (for example, when your boss yells at you, and you just can’t stop replaying the scene in your head…)

  • This can easily become a habit, and it’s a very costly one, because spending so much time thinking about such negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders and even cardiovascular disease.

  • The problem is, the urge to ruminate can feel very strong and really important, so it’s a difficult habit to stop… each time you have a thought, force yourself to concentrate on something else, until the thought passes… over time, you will become more hopeful

  • By changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self esteem, by battling your negative thinking—you won’t just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive!

Culture Shock

“Culture shock is the disorientation we experience when all the cultural maps and guidelines we learned as children no longer work. Stripped of our normal ways of coping with life, we are confused, afraid, and angry.” (Hiebert, Anthropological Insights for Missionaries)

  • Language Shock- The first shock we often experience in a new culture is our inability to communicate.

  • Changes in Routine- Another frustration we face in culture shock is change in daily routine. In a new setting, even simple jobs take a great deal of psychic energy and more time, much more time.

  • Changes in Relationships- Maintaining relationships in our own culture, where we understand what is going on, is hard enough. In another culture, the task seems almost insurmountable. Building relationships with the local people is even more stressful (for example, their humor escapes us, and ours makes them frown. Trying to listen to them in normal social activities drains our energies. Even going to church, which first excited us with its novelty, becomes tedious and contributes little to our own spiritual nourishment.) Added to all this is our loss of identity as significant adults in the society.

  • Loss of Understanding- To become truly human is to learn a culture and understand what is going on. It is to know what to expect in life and what is expected of us.

  • Emotional & Evaluative Disorientation- For example, we long to hear recognizable music, eat familiar food, watch the evening news on television, and go out for the type of entertainment we have "at home."

All of these aspects leads us ultimately to…

Self-Care

 

Self-care in the developing world isn’t easy, I get it.

Gyms, and good nutrition, safety, or the comfort of your own language, are often not accessible for you. This can make us want to give up. But I’ve found that once you commit to the idea of self-care, there are plenty of ways you can get creative to nourish yourself.

Self-care is not a one time thing; it is a routine. Try and check at least one thing off in each category every day. Keep trying. You’re going to fail and it’s ok. This isn’t about perfection, this is about learning you are valuable enough to take care of. You deserve it!

I know there are busier seasons of life and there can be times where we need to give ourselves grace. But when something harmful to ourselves becomes a lifestyle, that requires pausing for reflection. These are just some ideas to get you started. Try and find one person you can share your plan with to help hold you accountable. Enjoy the journey.

 

PHYSICAL + SENSORY: 

This area is often the first to go in our work on the field. When our bodies are not taken care of, our minds and souls suffer. Diet and exercise have huge benefits including the reduction and stress and boosting mood.

We are stewards of our body and have a mandate to take care of them including what we eat and how often we exercise. Your body needs time every day to rest and heal otherwise it can lead to recurrent illness.

 

  • Get at least 8 hours of sleep (Use melatonin, go to bed earlier, at same time- have a sleep ritual (reading) between 9PM-12 are best hrs for heading to bed)

  • Turn your phone into airplane mode while you sleep

  • Hydrate! (bring a reusable water bottle and drink it at least 4x daily)

  • BREATHE! (Draw in a long breath for 4 counts, hold it then release it for 4 counts- it’s crazy how often we forget to breathe!)

  • Take a 30 minute bath/shower (for bucket showers, boil some hot water and soak- use Epsom salt)- obviously avoid this during the Water Crisis

  • Exercise- this is essential for detoxing stress, endorphins, and grounding yourself in your body (getting out of head)

  • Plan out your weekly meals to make healthier food choices! (for example, avocados, tomatoes, mango, banana, green pepper, greens, onions)

  • Take a nap (Geniuses like Charles Darwin and others used to do this daily)

  • Spend time in nature (I love going for hikes in the mountains)

  • Go for a run with headphones in

  • Keep your blood sugar up with snacks (almonds, yogurt, etc.)

  • Stretch every morning

  • Drink green tea or decaffeinated tea instead of coffee (yerba mate, matcha) - you already have too much adrenaline in your system to use stimulants

  • Reduce your sugar intake (supplement with fruit)

  • Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket and sip hot tea

  • Screen Time- have your phone set so that the blue light doesn’t emit an hour before bedtime

  • Reduce your intake of coffee or other caffeinated or addictive substances (assess what may be signs of coping)

 

 

MENTAL & EMOTIONAL:

This includes the way you feel about yourself and your ability to manage your feelings and deal with difficulties. This means you have tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive outlook.

Being emotionally healthy means having a sense of contentment, good self-esteem, zest for living and the ability to adapt to change and have fun. It is often our negative beliefs that keep unhealthy patterns in place.

 

  • Seek to be fully present in your one on ones- if you aren’t connecting- be honest, and find a local contact, or consistently skype with a safe person from back home- the goal is to process life on a regular basis

  • Protect your Sabbath

  • Don’t let negative thoughts spiral around in your head (get them out - write them out; verbally process; cry - don’t let them stay in inside)

  • Keep a gratitude journal (even just writing for five minutes a day to start this)

  • Learn to say no when you need to say no

  • Have a home transitional ritual (routines for when you get home to help get calm)

  • (If you have internet) Write a blog and process life as it happens

  • Do photography or art that taps into your creative energies (you may need to pack items to facilitate this)

  • Experiment with cooking a local, cultural food (or just make pizza :) )

  • Listen to your gut and your inner truth- listen to what your body is telling you it needs

  • Stand up for yourself and set boundaries

  • Have a technology fast- (days of week you don’t open computer or go on social media; set rules for times of day you close your computer and phone-nothing after 9pm etc)

  • Light a candle and read a good book

  • Take a mental health day - ask yourself what does your soul/body need and do only those things that day

  • Listen to an audio guided meditation for to worship music (Alberto and Kimberly Rivera are great for this)

  • Do a staycation with your favorite movies, foods, and board games- lock yourself away from the world!

  • Set aside 30 minutes at the beginning of the week to write out what you hope to accomplish - (celebrate if you’re able to mark even half of those off your to do list)

  • Tell yourself you’re doing a great job

  • Clean the house or work on a project you’ve been meaning to, to feel accomplished

  • Do one task at a time- be fully present while you are doing so instead of multi-tasking

  • Understand what your triggers are and come up with coping strategies

  • Write out 30 things you love about yourself

  • Have a dance party in your kitchen

  • Go on an adventure! (Visit cool tourist or nature sites in your region and remember why you love the place, go camping, etc)

  • If you’re triggered by anxiety grab as much chewing gum as you can and chew- it helps get you out of your “trauma brain”

  • Reading and Podcasts

  • Having goals + dreams

  • Seeking clarity, reevaluating, and having flexibility with life rhythms 

  • Counseling + Debriefing of seasons + spending time with mentor(s)

  • Creating a posture of teachability

  • Assess your comparison with other people- this kills your joy

 

SPIRITUAL:

We are spiritual beings who need a connection to our Creator in order to feel purposeful and alive. Your soul needs to be nurtured through quiet time, prayer, meditation and reflection.

We need connection to the Source beyond ourselves who can fill us with love and acceptance so we can be full to give out. This area leads to greater self-awareness and growth.

 

A note on Resilience: Resilient people are characterized by an ability to experience both negative and positive emotions even in difficult or painful situations. They mourn losses and endure frustrations, but they also find redeeming potential or value in most challenges. Resilient people look at problems and ask, “What is this trying to teach me?” Resilience is essential for a life of service to others.

 

  • Spend alone time with Jesus - invite Him into your day- stop to listen to what He has to say

  • Write free form in a journal - vent

  • Journal and ask God what He loves about you

  • Find a safe place with Jesus (Beach, mountains, etc) and imagine yourself together in that place

  • Imagine a large, big heart radiating love and compassion and peace towards you

  • Try to forgive someone whose hurt you (write a letter you’ll never send - ask God for His perspective of this person - let go of judgments)

  • Build a prayer team of those covering you in prayer- have a list ready to easily contact for people to get prayer updates

  • Grow in self-compassion – treat yourself like you would treat someone else with kindness

  • Admit your frailties - tell someone when you are overwhelmed and need a break

  • Imagine your worries as an object, and during meditation imagine you turning this burden over to Jesus because He can carry it for you

  • Write out positive statements or bible verses and put them all over your home as a reminder

  • Take a few minutes to do a breath prayer or body scan

  • Declare truth over yourself (the things that God says about you)

  • Quiet Time & Intentional ongoing Time with Jesus (ie. Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence) are different- make time for both

 

SOCIAL:

We are social beings created not to live in isolation but within community. We have to be proactive about building connection.

We have legitimate needs for belonging, love, and affection. Maintaining close, personal relationships is vital to our physical and emotional health. Laughing with friends is a powerful stress reducer.

 

  • Create a fun, weekly tradition

  • Play: basketball, volleyball, disc golf, ultimate frisbee - start a team

  • Send out a newsletter with pictures, stories of your life to connect with people back home

  • Make a video of your life and share it

  • Start a small exercise group with friends where you work out together

  • Read past emails/postcards/letters etc from friends and family reminding you of happier times

  • Skype your family and/or friends

  • Write a letter to someone you miss

  • Make a new friend - reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to

  • Do something nice for one of your friends

  • Learn how to bake something new with someone

  • Ask someone to teach you how to make something

  • Host a dance party and play your favorite old-school cheesy music  

  • Host a game or trivia night (great games- fishbowl, Uno)

  • Get a mediator or supervisor involved in team conflict (team conflict is one of the highest causes of burnout- so deal with it don’t let it simmer)

  • Reach out to past students + staff — check in with how people are doing

  • Marco Polo 

 

I would also strongly suggest goals for self-care VOCATIONALLY and for DOMESTIC + FINANCIAL responsibilities

For example, VOCATIONAL SELF-CARE:

  • Research how to develop better supporter relationships (i.e. how to engage better with supporters, how to use Mailchimp, etc.)

  • Reading “Boundaries” to better understand how to set them

  • Talk to DTS Leaders about desire to practice public speaking more or develop other goals

  • Find a mentor (i.e. a woman running a non-profit to learn from)

  • Basing your work around your Sabbath, instead of the other way around..

  • Time management 

  • Building community with co-workers (building trust and vulnerability so that you know that you have each others’ backs)

  • Speaking life over your co-workers- encouraging their strengths, give prophetic words, etc.

  • Figure out the love languages of your co-workers

  • Celebrate together (ie. Breakthroughs)

DOMESTIC + FINANCIAL SELF-CARE:

  • Work on a personal budget and start to use Mint App to track finances

  • Declutter home and try to sell items on Facebook Marketplace

  • Make a plan for support raising

  • Deep clean your room

 

Additional Resources:

 

  • Enneagram Test: www.theenneagraminstitute.com

  • Strengths Finder Test Coaching: message Ben +27 (084) 2753158

  • SOZO Sessions are available throughout Cape Town: www.sozosouthafrica.co.za

  • Ministry that finds cheap flights for missionaries: www.worldhopperministry.com

  • Youtube Channel for at home exercising: Fitness Blender

  • Sign up (in person) for Ster-Kinekor membership and Tuesdays are cheap (I think R50)

  • Self Care Resources for Missionaries: www.saritahartz.com // www.askamissionary.com // www.missionarycare.com

  • Therapy Services for Missionaries locally: Gail Coin (+27 (072) 227-6046), Dave Peters- can refer you to others if it’s not a crisis situation (+27 (083) 353-6081)

  • Pastoral / Spiritual Retreats: Volmoed Retreat Center: www.volmoed.co.za // Ellel Ministries, Schoenstatt Retreat Center, google more // More at: www.christianspirit.co.za/retreats

  • Faithful to Nature: online ordering of organic, plastic free, etc. supplies at more affordable prices, and for pick up at their factory in Capricorn www.faithful-to-nature.co.za

  • Pre-Marital Course: Defining the Relationship by Danny Silk (Bethel)

  • VPN to help with a pornography addiction (discount given for YWAMers!): Covenant Eyes

  • Free newsletter templates for support emails: MailChimp

  • Free graphic design templates: Canva